1.One time me and my sister had saved enough money to buy our parents a present for their anniversary. It was the first time we were gonna buy them a present and we were pretty excited. We went into a local store and walked around looking at things they might like. After a while we realized nobody was helping us but they were helping all the white people who were coming in. We hung out for a while then we left and never said anything to each other about it. We just pretended it didn’t happen.

2. I never went to school dances. I knew nobody was going to ask me to dance.

3. When I was a sophomore at Monument Mountain there was a situation with myself and a group of black students and a group of white students in the cafeteria. Today I don’t recall how it all got to this point. One of the white students called us a bunch of dirt niggers, The white student was sitting at one of the tables and we were standing. We proceeded to jump across the table and an all-out brawl began. The school staff quickly broke the situation up and the black students were escorted out of the cafeteria.

 As the days passed after the cafeteria event, tensions were running high in the school. The school administration could sense that things were about to reach a boiling point. In their efforts to bring calmer heads to the table the Monument Mountain administrators had an individual meeting with each student involved. In these meetings were the principal, vice principal, the guidance counselor, and police officer from the Great Barrington police department. When it was my turn, I told the panel that they would not understand because they were not black. The police officer kind of chuckled and said oh I’m called a pig all the time you must let those words just roll off you. You can’t take them personally. I said “I understand what you are saying, but when you go home you take that uniform off and no one knows that you are a police officer. I wake up with the skin I go to sleep in - this skin. I can’t take this skin off. You are comparing apples and oranges.” 

The office basically dismissed what I was saying and feeling about the situation. The officer says “I know you are a good kid, never get into trouble, good at sports”, basically saying I was one of the good niggers The officer stood up and said he will hold me personally responsible if anything happens to the other (white) student and left.  Nothing was resolved from those meetings, no minds were changed. As an adult, I look back at that situation and many others and can now see the disturbing level of microaggression. I often look back and think “knowing what I now know what I would have said or done differently in many situations such as this. That same police officer came to my Dad’s funeral. Sadly, I don’t think they know any better -  just a lack of education and lack of diversity?

4. Other kids call me names  I don’t like

5 . It was 2005. I was in 5th grade and went to Stockbridge Plain School. The field trip was called “Nature's Classroom”. During the field trip we had what was basically a reenactment of what it was like during slavery. During this experience, I was 1 of 2 Black people on this trip. Gathered with our classmates we were given little crackers and when someone knocked we had to hide. It was so scary I literally thought if I was found I was going to die. My classmates got stopped in the forest and out of everybody there, me and the other black person got sold as slaves. I was so embarrassed and scared that I peed myself in front of everyone while they laughed at me.

6.I was on the Monument school paper but the teacher advisor said I wasn’t writing enough articles so I couldn't be on it anymore. There were white people who had written a lot less articles than me so I knew they just didn’t want me to be on the paper.

7. My experience in the Berkshires isn’t one of racial slurs hurled, or denied the ability to participate or do something because of the color of my skin, but one of dual consciousness that we all know and are speaking of. 

A little story from high school: I was walking through the hallways as a freshman,  and I played football for Monument. A senior player on the team who I would chat and joke with every now and then was walking towards me in this little hallway. As we passed each other this student wrapped the shirt he was holding around my neck, not so hard that I couldn’t breathe but hard enough to where he was in control of where I was walking, and put my chest up against the wall, and then began to joke and explain how I was under arrest. 

Keep in mind, I had never really thought any racist thoughts about this student, never heard anything racist from him really, and maybe would’ve even considered him an alright person in general. Now this one encounter doesn’t make this person a bad person, “He must just be joking around” is what I told myself. 

But then the realm of what could be lying underneath is then revealed to me. How long has he felt this way and I never noticed. Is this guy racist? Does he even see me as a friend or teammate the same way I see him? Do other players feel this way? Does he stuff like this to other black or Hispanic people? The dual consciousness is only further perpetuated and deeper dug. 

Later in my high school career that event really started to burn me more and more, as I started to think about all the people who share the same inner thoughts of that kid; who else would also think that was “funny”, and the experience didn’t truly shake me to my core until I came to find out that the kid who “put me under arrest” is actually a Stockbridge police officer now. How many will suffer from his prejudice thoughts, how many will walk away from a crime because they share the same color as him?  How many other officers share that same mindset as him? I fear that those who are supposed to serve and protect me don’t even have my best interest in mind, and I have every reason to believe that. 

So like I said my experience in the Berkshires is not one of racial slurs hurled at me, but one where all men and women are supposed to be created equal, and look upon one another with compassion and brotherhood, but the dual consciousness that we live forces me to look around and recognize that the men standing on my left and right might not be my brothers at all. Because even On a team where we wear the same color, run the same hills, sweat the same sweat, and bleed the same blood, we are still not brothers in arms, and if those men aren’t my brothers why would I expect anyone else to be? 

--

8.In 9th grade the teacher said “you’re all white and free so what are you complaining about.” Another student pointed at me and said “ but ( she said my name ) isn’t white.” The teacher told her to be quiet. 

9.Growing up in Great Barrington I often felt like an attraction at a Zoo. Being one of a handful of black children in my school, The white students would often ask me questions like can you get sun burn, can I touch your hair, your hair looks like Velcro, how do you wash your hair, etc. I guess it was out of curiosity or ignorance. The kids often fell into believing the stereotypes of black people. That we were good athletes. So I was often picked first during the basketball games, football games, pretty much any sport. I was probably just average at best. If I was doing well in sports, then I was considered one of the good ones. One of the safe black kids in town. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Running fast and catching balls. I was there to entertain them and bring them trophies back to the town. Sports were easy so I fell into that trap. In my head I knew I had to work harder and be better than my white counterpart to receive a level of acceptance in the town. They never really knew me; they only knew what I could do on the field or in the gym.

10.I see myself as a good person and a good friend.

I think the world sees me as somebody who’s gonna steal their wallet. 

It’s hard to not be angry all the time but if I do it’s just gonna make them think I AM that person so what do I do?